Just when I thought life would be peaceful dammit

A few weeks ago, I came close to premature labour thanks to neverending family drama. You'd think life would be less stressful away from the savagery of Malie. You'd be wrong.

Our housegirl Apo of 10 years or so, whom we consider family, and probably is (one of the cousin's uncle's sister's neighbour's son's daughter), lives at Siusega with her husband Tavita (from the same village as herself in Taga but who cares about the solinu'u ancient taboo crap in this day and age). She found us a babysitter named Kisa from her other village (note every Samoan has connections to at least 10 villages) of Gataivai. And yes I will refrain from adding closed brackets to every sentence from here on...lol. So we got this babysitter sometime in early 2009 and everything has been pretty smooth sailing, with the occasional slip-up - me catching her slapping Elita for being naughty or searching her bag, because I'm anal like that, and finding Tino's clothes hidden away at the bottom.

Back to a few weeks ago - Apo accused Kisa and Tavita of having an affair. She became suspicious when one weekend Tavita was stinking drunk and called Kisa on the phone (Kisa had gone to Savaii for the weekend). Suspicious Act #2 - Kisa constantly going to the bathroom in the back where Apo & Tavita live, while Apo is working in the house in the front. And we're talking toilet breaks every 10 minutes. Suspicious Act #3 (The Clincher) - One evening, the love triangle were sitting in the back talking - and Apo happened to catch Tavita making eye contact with Kisa and making suspicious gestures.

Result - Apo beat the shit out of Kisa. The next morning, after I awoke feeling refreshed after sleeping at 2am watching silly Korean meaningless series, I found out about the drama. I (being pregnant and emotionally hysterical) called all 3 of them and after hearing all 3 versions of the story, decided in my mentally unsound judgement that Kisa and Tavita were guilty (never mind the fact there was no REAL evidence and they hadn't been caught in the act so to speak) So - Apo was to stay (she insisted that she didn't want Tavita back and Kisa was a whore) and the other two were given notice to leave the premises that Friday.

The NEXT FREAKING DAY - Tino called me at work and said "Mummy, Apo hit Kisa's face and it's bleeding and Kisa is going to be dead. Apo is chasing Kisa around the house." My heart flipped, anger rate heightened and I rushed home. I found Kisa crying with blood all over her shirt. Apparently after I had specifically told her not to go to the back...she went to the back because Tavita wanted to apologise to her. While she was at the back, Apo found her and she ran. Apo caught her and beat her again. While I was digesting all this and trying to calm my nerves, Apo appeared, rock in hand, calling out "Lou mea pausasae, fao koalua, PAUMUMUKU! PAUMUMUKU! O le a fasioki gei ma oe!" Shit. I felt like I was on a Once Were Warriors set. Let me interject here to mention that Apo is in her 40s, a divorcee (Samoan style lol) with 4 grown children (one of the her daughters impregnanted by her own father, but hey that's Samoa, just read the Observer).Kisa is 22 with 3 children from 3 different men. So when Apo says paumumuku, it's not hard to negate. However, I give her the benefit of the doubt cos that's what Judge Judy would do and I like to think of myself as bush judge material.

Anyway, absolutely fed up with the whole thing, I fired Tavita on the spot, Kisa was still to go on Saturday and Apo to stay behind. OH and besides beating Kisa up, she set fire to ALL Kisa's belongings. All the bags of clothes bought from Mr Lavalava the previous week charred to a crisp. Kisa was crying as if her heart was breaking. I would be too. I am a big fan of Mr Lavalava's $10 "all you can fit in your plastic bag" specials.

I settled the matter and came back to work.

The End.

You THINK??? No way, that would be boring and Samoan dramas are never boring. 20 minutes in the office and my mother calls to report that Tavita had beaten up Apo and now HER face was bleeding. Lol. I wanted to laugh and punch someone in my hysteria. Tavita had left and wasn't coming back. Apo swore she never wanted to see him again. Which is why for the next week, she wouldn't eat (also partially because her jaw was swollen from the beating) - because she DIDN'T miss Tavita. A few days ago, she told us Tavita called her and wants to come back. Over my dead swollen body he is. She didn't like the answer and has given notice. She leaves tomorrow. Because despite the "kauko i le Alii ou ke le koe fia vaai i lega aikae ia kao i se umu" and "maimau le kaimi i lea UFA ia", she still loves him because where else is she going to find someone who beats her up every weekend when he gets drunk and knock out 3 of her front teeth AND could possibly be cheating on her? Now that's REAL LOVE.